1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
