He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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