Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
