During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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