this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
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