Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
