He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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