I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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