You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
