only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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