I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
