i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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