I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
