yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
