her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
