It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
