HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
