11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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