Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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