Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
