youre lurking in front of me
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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