I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Randomize
