please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
