Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I am available for nakedness
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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