I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I forget how to act sober
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
