At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
