Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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