Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
