Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
