Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
