Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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