He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
