Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You dont lie about slip and slides
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I need a hoe opinion
go on
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
