Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
