I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
