I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
