Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
