I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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