Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
