Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
