I think my fart just growled at me.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
sarcasm needs its own font
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
