I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
He felt like a one man threesome
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
