Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
