Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
