i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
