My cat gives me a boner
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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