She's JV to your varsity
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
two words...techno handjob
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
