nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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