One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
