I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
