She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
