Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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