Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
