It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
