told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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